After the Marital War and Admitting Defeat... (November 2009)

Legacy.

Who thought, I would ever be in the predicament that I am now?... Completely saturated in my own failures. Not a soul around me, wanting to be me, much less be there with me… Failure wraps its astringent limbs around my lacerated and beaten body, unwilling to let me loose. I cannot feel the sunshine on my face, underneath the rubble of my losses.

–I cannot feel the sunshine on my face, underneath the rubble of my losses.-

Loneliness and shame are my bests of friends. Envy is a constant beast that I bind deep under my breast as I watch those around me in a state of completely content rapture. My heart. My heart continues to ache. It aches with an indescribable ache. And no matter how much I tend to this aching creature. No matter how much I talk to this aching creature. She continues to whimper in the Cimmerian shade…… And with her… I wail. I sob. I shed tears.

And unlike my past, where I would run for the hatchway and completely flee, run, and run until my legs are burning, my lungs are bulge with pain as I heave for breath, I am unable to move. I can hear the daunting stares just burn through my skin. My past an overwhelmingly pungent tang, unable to escape. I carry with me my flesh of my flesh. And she holds onto me tightly and I smell her sweet, warm, milky breath. I see everyone seeing me, almost unable to look away, unable to exchange a kind word, or a relinquishment of wisdom that all will be well. And still, I force myself to step each step with my head parallel. For my eyes to meet each pair of eyes that stare at me scrutinizing and I with sovereign effort  will smile.